I’ve had no internet for most of the day so I’ve clocked up an alarming amount of phone time to Sky who supply my broadband. I’ve had the service, phone and internet, for just over a year and apart from a slight blip with the bill and speed at the start I’ve had absolutely no problems. More surprisingly for anyone who has ever signed a contract with the likes of Virgin, Orange, Vodafone etc… their customer service reps are usually quite polite, intelligent people. And as I found out today very multi cultural!
The first lad I spoke to had a thick Belfast accent. As anyone who knows me will attest I love nothing more in a man than an Irish accent, except those from Belfast! I almost get flashbacks to the time I was wandering the streets of Belfast city centre, alone, at 2am Saturday morning after a gig, looking for a giant whale which would get me to a late night club according to a doorman. Anyone who knows Belfast will tell you there is no giant whale in the landlocked city. There was however a big wheel, slap bang in the centre of the city square, which I walked past 2 or 3 times before realising that in a Belfast accent (and after a loud gig and a few beers) wheel sounds a lot like whale!
I could of named this blog “I can mention my cat in any conversation” if I wanted it to turn into a crazy cat lady blog but I did manage to drop my cat into all 3 conversations I had with Sky reps today. The Irish lad didn’t seem to have much of a sense of humour so when he asked me to talk him through my internet set up this is what I said…
“Well starting at the wall socket there’s the wall socket and then there’s the microfilter that’s plugged into the wall socket and plugged into the microfilter there’s a grey wire and a black wire… and then there’s my cat! Then the grey wire goes…”
“Wait! Your cap?”

internet3 copy
“No my cat” as if on cue he made a very cat like noise, something between a meow and purr; “my cat is between the microfilter and the modem and phone.”
He laughed! Success!
The second man I spoke to was Scottish, I don’t know Scotland well enough to pinpoint it but he was very nice and ended up telling me it was probably the micro filter and he was sending me one out in the post. When I got off the phone I realised the Sky box was in the cupboard, not the garage and in it I found 2 micro filters. After making my intermittent connection even worse I phoned again… not to be a pest as I do with other companies but to let them know the micro filter is not the problem (unless all 3 are broken… I’m unlucky but that’s just taking the piss!).
I got through to a lady who started of sounding like my old house mate from Essex but as soon as she mentioned South Africa it clicked and I realised she had a very soft SA accent. It was made funnier when she told me she was in Belfast! I have a pretty sordid past with the few South Africans I’ve known so I’ll just say it was a unique pleasure to talk to a nice South African (her parents were Irish and Scottish so maybe that’s why she’s not an arrogant c**t!). I love how much we found out about each other in under an hour!
I mentioned that my cat might have chewed the micro filter but she had already ruled that out and was planning some amazing line tracking thing that automatically sends out an engineer if it finds a problem. Whilst she was doing that she told me about her dog; a Jack Russell that had been found starving and abandoned. Her friend took him in but almost immediately he attacked and sadly killed her cat (her indoor cat – in your face!)(sorry, completely different subject, I’ll explain later). The lady I was talking to heard about this and decided to give the dog a try as she didn’t have children to worry about or any other animals. She actually said she had “just got rid of” her children… I didn’t ask if she meant in the mortal sense or just in a flown the nest way. If she’s not a child murderer than much respect to her.
So I’ve no internet to upload this and I found out earlier Made in Chelsea starts again tonight (I managed to see like 8 minutes earlier) but I guess this is where the lack of TV (and license) becomes a problem.
It’s also raining so my cat can’t go out so he is sat, huffing in protest, exactly where I want to put my legs.